After the NYC debacle, I was ordered by my oncologist to stay home from work for a week. I figured this would be a wonderful opportunity to catch up on my life...however my doc must know her stuff because I spent the week in bed and I accomplished nothing other than rest.
Through my cancer journey thus far I have needed to do self-checks to make sure I am not hiding from my fears, my life, myself. I need to ensure that I am okay and truly dealing with each new day, minute, and moment. I have lost the ability to determine what is "normal"... I am quickly learning that there is no such thing as "typical" when it comes to cancer.
With that said, I have learned that my reason for being in bed can easily be justified by taking a look at my complete blood count (CBC). I am not depressed. My hemoglobin is low which makes me feel tired.
On Friday I learned that my liver enzymes remain high (they were elevated when I was in NYC), which can be a result of a number of things: They may be elevated as a result of chemo (after all, they are dumping toxins into my body every week), or my they may be elevated as a result of my mystery illness last weekend, and they are just taking their sweet old time coming down. Worst case scenario, there may be something wrong with my liver. More tests will soon determine the answer.
And so I find myself in a familiar place, one that I know, but don't necessarily like. It is a place of angst, despair, hope, and fear. I find myself waiting and wondering what is to come.
3 comments:
boy are we lucky, two posts in a day! Eveytime I go on the computer I check your blog. I look to see if there are any new posts and if not I check to see if there are any new comments. So I was really surprised when I saw 2 new posts and 0 comments. YEAH, I am the first.
Today I had a haircut appt. My hairdresser has breast cancer and will be having her last chemo on Monday. Then radiation starts after. I told her about your blog. We spent the whole time talking about you. She said she will be praying for you. Isn't it nice to know that even people you don't know care about you too!
Love you,
:) Dawn
I wish you didnt have a reason to create a blog in the first place. But you do and it sucks!!!!
You are an inspiration and I appreciate you taking the time to write and share your thoughts no matter how tired you are. The Italy/Holland piece is a keeper!
x0x0x0x0x0 - Scoobs
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