10 years ago today I completed my first course of cancer treatment. I was so excited that my hair was starting to grow back and anticipating what radiation would be like. Now, 10 years later I am anticipating yet another course of treatment. I have never been off treatment since original diagnosis...but tomorrow I will be starting a new treatment (to me) that causes hair loss. I have a 50% chance of losing my hair, and I don't know how to prepare for that...so I am not. How Ironic that 10 years ago was really still just the beginning of my cancer journey. And tomorrow the circle will continue. I hope my new drug Halaven is easy to tolerate. It definitely gets mixed reviews.
Now I can't get this darn song out of my head!
Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like, when you're older, must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Today is NOT the day
Well, for the first time in a long time, I am expecting not-so-good-news from my PET scan. Tomorrow is scan day. Since my last scan at the end of October, both my CA 27.29 and my CA 15.3 have gone up almost 100 points. My tumor markers have always been a good indicator of what my disease is doing...and I assure you this could get ugly quickly.
In almost 10 years of Metastatic Breast Cancer - I know my doctor almost TOO well. I adore her. As professional as she is, I can still read her like a book-most of the time. After all, I have seen her every three weeks or more for 10 years... at this point she is like family! At my last appointment we were have a very real conversation about what we expect from my scan tomorrow. She mentioned that she couldn't decide if she was being negative or a realist. I told her she is being a realist. Her and I have always been honest and open with each other, it is one of the reasons that I love her so much. I could tell that she is not excited about this scan. I am not excited either. This time I don't even really have scanxiety because I think I already know what to expect. I just want to see it in black and white. I want to know for sure. Where is my cancer now? How many new spots? How bad is it? What is our next plan of action? What will be my new normal? How miserable am I going to be on my next treatment? I guess I will have answers soon enough. I already have an idea of my next treatment plan, but I want to hear the words from my doctor. I just want to know. I don't like suspense.
Until my results come back, I will keep true to my philosophy. The same attitude I have had from the beginning. I will continue to live and breath the same words that were my mantra for my friend Kelli when she learned her cancer had metastasized and she thought the sky was falling. Today is not the day that cancer will take my life. Tomorrow is not looking good either. #cancercansuckit #todayisnottheday #getbusyliving #aintnobodygottimeforthismess #unicorn #outlier
In almost 10 years of Metastatic Breast Cancer - I know my doctor almost TOO well. I adore her. As professional as she is, I can still read her like a book-most of the time. After all, I have seen her every three weeks or more for 10 years... at this point she is like family! At my last appointment we were have a very real conversation about what we expect from my scan tomorrow. She mentioned that she couldn't decide if she was being negative or a realist. I told her she is being a realist. Her and I have always been honest and open with each other, it is one of the reasons that I love her so much. I could tell that she is not excited about this scan. I am not excited either. This time I don't even really have scanxiety because I think I already know what to expect. I just want to see it in black and white. I want to know for sure. Where is my cancer now? How many new spots? How bad is it? What is our next plan of action? What will be my new normal? How miserable am I going to be on my next treatment? I guess I will have answers soon enough. I already have an idea of my next treatment plan, but I want to hear the words from my doctor. I just want to know. I don't like suspense.
Until my results come back, I will keep true to my philosophy. The same attitude I have had from the beginning. I will continue to live and breath the same words that were my mantra for my friend Kelli when she learned her cancer had metastasized and she thought the sky was falling. Today is not the day that cancer will take my life. Tomorrow is not looking good either. #cancercansuckit #todayisnottheday #getbusyliving #aintnobodygottimeforthismess #unicorn #outlier
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