Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Today is NOT the day

Well, for the first time in a long time, I am expecting not-so-good-news from my PET scan. Tomorrow is scan day.  Since my last scan at the end of October, both my CA 27.29 and my CA 15.3 have gone up almost 100 points. My tumor markers have always been a good indicator of what my disease is doing...and I assure you this could get ugly quickly.

In almost 10 years of Metastatic Breast Cancer -  I know my doctor almost TOO well.  I adore her. As professional as she is, I can still read her like a book-most of the time.  After all, I have seen her every three weeks or more for 10 years... at this point she is like family! At my last appointment we were have a very real conversation about what we expect from my scan tomorrow.  She mentioned that she couldn't decide if she was being negative or a realist. I told her she is being a realist.  Her and I have always been honest and open with each other, it is one of the reasons that I love her so much. I could tell that she is not excited about this scan. I am not excited either.  This time I don't even really have scanxiety because I think I already know what to expect. I just want to see it in black and white.  I want to know for sure. Where is my cancer now? How many new spots? How bad is it? What is our next plan of action? What will be my new normal? How miserable am I going to be on my next treatment?  I guess I will have answers soon enough. I already have an idea of my next treatment plan, but I want to hear the words from my doctor.  I just want to know.  I don't like suspense.

Until my results come back, I will keep true to my philosophy.  The same attitude I have had from the beginning.  I will continue to live and breath the same words that were my mantra for my friend Kelli when she learned her cancer had metastasized and she thought the sky was falling.  Today is not the day that cancer will take my life.  Tomorrow is not looking good either.  #cancercansuckit #todayisnottheday #getbusyliving #aintnobodygottimeforthismess #unicorn #outlier

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