All my life I have had a giving nature. I find extreme satisfaction in helping others...always have. Perhaps that is why I struggle so much with asking for help and taking the help that is offered. It is just new stomping ground for me. I feel like the words "thank you" are just not enough. I know in my head that it is not rocket science; when someone offers a kind word, or offers some sort of help-whether it be lending an ear, offering a shoulder to cry on, or delivering a hot meal, the only words necessary are "thank you". I teach/remind children to say thank you everyday. However I feel that in my current situation, words are not enough, or perhaps they are just too simple.
As Scott and I get ready for the benefit this weekend I am becoming extremely nervous and full of angst. I just know I will be a crying mess. Not because I am sad, but because I am so thankful for the support and encouragement with which I am surrounded. I simply do not know how to react. The thought of people rallying together in my honor is just simply overwhelming...I mean it is not like I did anything to deserve all the support other than wake up one day with cancer.
I think that part of my struggle is that the benefit is making me jump with both feet into reality. I know it sounds silly that I do not want to look or feel like a cancer patient, but I don't. This benefit and the outpouring of support from the community and family and friends makes me admit to myself and face the fact that I have a potentially fatal disease. I think I am happier with little bit of denial on my side. For me, agreeing to this benefit in the first place was not about money or support or getting the word out. It was and is about friendship and learning how to let other people help. So I continue to struggle with admitting to myself that I am sick, but I am going to try to work on the thank you part.
Thank you for the cards, food, well-wishes, thoughts, laughs, tears, hats, gifts and support. I wouldn't be able to get through this without you...my family, friends, neighbors, friends of friends and colleagues. I am humbled by all that you have done for me and my family. From the bottom of my heart please know how grateful I am.
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I would also like to take the time to thank the organizers of this event.
My husband and I don't really go out all that much. It is asking a lot of a grandparent to watch both of our children (2 and 6 years old) overnight, especially when they are not the greatest sleepers. I always feel that it needs to be something really necessary or important. Just a night out doesn't really fall under those categories. At least that is how I feel most of the time. At my old job we had a saying that you had to be "bleeding from the eyeballs" to call off work. I kinda relate that to asking my in laws or my Mom to watch both kids for an extended period of time. For God's sake I actually had to have surgery last month to have two days off! We have a great Amish girl that babysits but she isn't available most evening, just days.
So I am totally siked about tomorrow. Not only is it a gathering of old/new friends, a reunion of families but a night out for Craig and me! And for that I am grateful! Cause boy do we need it!!!
AND of course for such an important cause and such an insperational, caring, giving, humble, beautiful, wonderful, kind, generous, person.....MAX! There really aren't enough words to describe you Max. We love you and CAN'T WAIT to see you tomorrow!
Love,
Dawn
Okay I've decided Max needs a theme song and think that Every Woman by Whitney Houston covers it unless someone else has a better suggestion........Go Max! You Rock Sistah!
Here is my suggestion for Max. She has let my son, Trent Farrar, lean on her. Now it is our time to be there for her.
Lean on Me
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Lean on me...
Ruth Billiter
No, no... thank you! :)
xoxox
Far be it from me to disagree with Max, under ANY circumstance, but she tried to get away with saying the following: "I mean it is not like I did anything to deserve all the support other than wake up one day with cancer."
Au contraire mon frere (or however the hell you spell it).
You're getting this support because of the way you've touched people over the course of your life. You're reaping the seeds of kindness that you yourself sowed with all of us.
Sorry I can't be there this weekend, but I'm thinking of you.
Jon Steiger
Max, I too am a breast cancer survivor. (BTW I am Joni Bowen's Aunt) You are so right, it is hard to learn to accept help when you are used to being so independent. My wonderful family and friends just literally took over for me while I was going through treatment. They cooked, cleaned, ironed my clothes, ran errands, managed my medications, took me to all the many doctor's appointments, made sure I had meals and entertained me whether I felt like being entertained or not. They were awesome. I was so thankful -because it was all I could do to go through treatments while continuing to work full time. Unfortunately, there will be others diagnosed with breast cancer and then will be your opportunity to "give back" You will find that you will be such a great source of help and strength for others. So allow your family and friends to help you so that you can give all of your energy to getting through your treatments. It makes them feel good and I can think of a lot worse things that feeling pampered and loved!!!
Sisters and breast friends forever.
Diane
PS Feel free to email me at
dmjuvan22@yahoo.com - I would love to chat with you.
Well, it's Monday and the first Max Middleton benefit has come to an end.
We wanted to extend a special Thank You to all who came out to the run on Saturday morning, braving the wind and cool conditions (no rain though, that was a blessing). As Lisa and I promised it was a wonderful "Fall" ride.
The ride went great, no accidents, no breakdowns and all riders came back to the VFW and had a blast pulling their poker hand.
At 5:00 pm (almost to the minute), I was in the kitchen, and I turned to glance out to the door and we had a line of people almost instantly. There were family, friends and from what I've been told one special friend that Max hadn't seen in quite a few years. I was introduced to both Max's Mom and Dad. And let me say..........Max, you'll never be able to say that that's not your Mom, you two are identical!!!
In concluding this entry, I'd again like to Thank everyone for supporting this benefit for Max through help leading up to Saturday, donations, baking, cooking, and everything that everyone did that I've forgotten to mention.
Max.........we love you!! Your encouragement and sunshine, laughter and smiles.......
Until next year's benefit.........God Bless, Jennifer (Lisa too)
Just to second what someone already said...You do deserve all this support and generosity!!! You have been a kind and loving person all your life, OK I have only been alive for 28 years of it, but I have known you my whole life and you are a beautiful, caring and loving person. You have impacted a lot of people, more than I was even aware of and that my sister is why you deserve all this love and support. You get what you give and you have given a lot! I love you very much and it was great to see you Sat. :)
Ok, a couple people have already said it but, knowing you over the last few years gives me the AUTHORITIE to say that you deserve the gifts, the love, and the charity of those around you and from those that are miles away... Not because you have CANCER, good reason though, but because you are MAXimillion... Dudette, you have touched so many people over the years that even you don't know how many... I bet even the kid, downtown Columbus, "Baffrooom" would be here just to hang out if he knew where you were... MAX, your a fantastic person, eat it up, ride the wave, stand up and be MAX... Gods sakes, your not like Chad Johnson and you won't over step the boundaries of friendship and love... Believe me, you have given much more than you have received, Geese you married Scotty, that's alot... That is for the baby with the bag... Love you both...
Your favorite long lost Brother from another Mother...
Max,
You truly are an inspiration. I just played catch up with you last few posts and I am truly amazed at your strength. The girls and I are just in awe of you. When my days seem totally icky from just the mundane day to day stuff I just think about you and I get a smile on my face, so see, your strength reaches all the way to South Euclid! You strength and smile are completely infectious and at times get me through what is not really so icky! I love you and look forward to making it out to see you.
Jodi
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